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Saints to park and bark by Wednesday, January 7th, 2004 Two specifically Beacon Hill related hagiographic notes this time - the first imminently practical and the second rather silly. A benighted Beacon Hill resident wrote in wondering if there was a patron saint of parking. Some might automatically say St. Christopher, and while an excellent guess, this is incorrect. Beacon Hill actually has its own, rather obscure patron saint of parking.
“ Otto
had to circle the block once too often in inclement weather ”
Back in the very early 20th-century, a young man by the name of Otto Spatzia,
the child of Bavarian and Italian immigrants, took a job as chauffeur
to one of the affluent (and exceptionally tightfisted) families residing
on Beacon Hill. For several years the underpaid Otto drove the family
around Boston in all types of weather and at all times a day. Imagine
the agony of driving a tinny, drafty vehicle around the block 14 times
looking for a parking space, and then compound that with the presence
of nervous cab horses, cumbersome buggies, and a superfluity of hatchet-faced
matrons and you have some idea of the agony that Otto endured every day.
Bare in mind with some early automobiles, as with horse and buggies, drivers
were often more exposed to the weather than their passengers. Thus it
happened that one particularly ferocious January Otto had to circle the
block once too often in inclement weather looking for parking and the
poor lad came down with pneumonia. His oblivious employers paid no attention
to Otto's illness and the young man soon found a permanent parking spot.
“ Otto's
reputation for sanctity arose from the stories told about him by other
Hill chauffeurs. ”
Otto's reputation for sanctity arose from the stories told about him by
other Hill chauffeurs. Again and again after his death these men commented
upon the frequency with which they heard God's name fall from Otto's lips.
The following prayer is attributed to St. Otto:
"Gott in Himmel, is it too much to ask for a small [incomprehensible expression in German] plot of land where I can plant this wretched vehicle? Be merciful to me, or this job will be the death of me. I was born in this car. I have lived my whole life in this car, and if you don't do something right now, I will die in this [incomprehensible expression in German] car. By all that's good and holy that spot should have been mine! Let me see your justice, oh God! Smite that thieving Mistkopf!" My best friend is a great devotee of St. Otto and prays this prayer regularly and with great fervor, inserting in place of the incomprehensible German expressions her own unprintable English ones. While I am not entirely comfortable promoting Otto's cult, I think that any transplant to this city of stunningly bad drivers and limited parking can appreciate his virtue.
“ one
of the Beacon Hill papers is "capitalizing" on my "popularity" ”
On that less than sanctified note, we move to the second question. A reader
has brought to my attention that one of the Beacon Hill papers is "capitalizing"
on my "popularity" in its creation of an advice column for dogs entitled
"Ask Diesle." With this information came the query "what are you going
to do about it?" Well, after recovering from 1) the horrible flashback
to seventh grade and being called 'Liesl Diesel' and 2) from the momentary
disbelief in this column's popularity, I decided to spend some time in
the contemplation of saints.
Honestly, I hadn't noticed that the dogs in the neighborhood were so poorly behaved that they needed an advice column, but anything that promotes decorum and good manners - even on people and canines alike - can't be all bad. So, I thought I would recommend a few saints specifically for readers of "Ask Diesle." Here are two Welsh saints which I thought were particularly appropriate. The first is Dogfan (sometimes called Doewan), a descendent of the Welsh King Brychan. He was martyred in the 5th century and has a least one church and one well in Wales named after him. Dogmæl was a late 5th-century monk who lived in the same area where Dogfan was martyred. Dogfan was martyred by a heathen, but I can find no explanation of Dogmæl's claim to sanctity. Neither saint had any significant doings with dogs (or decorum as far as I can tell). So, my application to them is a purely alliterative one. Next time: the tautology of sanctity, or the pain and agony of holy names. |
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